High Heels & Mid Life Crisis: Why Your Feet Hurt

As we age our feet change – and some of those changes can make wearing stilettos a lot more uncomfortable. Here’s what happens – and what you can do to comfortably cope. – By Colette Bouchez

Perhaps no has ever worn stilettos better than the four fun-loving gals on Sex and The City. And none better than actress Kim Cattrall who portrayed the sexy, 50-something Samantha Jones on the show.

But in real life Cattrall has often been photographed with her designer stilettos dangling from her fingers, as she stumbles along the pavement on red, achy swollen tootsies.

And in fact, Sarah Jessica Parker recently remarked that part of the reason behind making the Sex and City movie now – as opposed to two years from now - had as much to do with the limited number of time they had left to successfully teeter around on those pricey Manolo Blahniks, as anything else.

And if you’re 40 or older, boy do you know how true that is! Indeed, the high heels you wore in your 20’s and 30’s somehow felt way more comfortable than anything you could wear today.

But before you wax too nostalgic for the shoes of your youth, there’s something you should know: Those same stylish slippers that let you dance the night away in 1980 would probably kill your feet today.

The reason: Experts say feet change with age, and at least some of those changes can turn even the most comfy high heels into killer foot wear.

"As you age, you lose some of the fatty deposits that normally protect the ball of the foot – and some of it also slides forward towards the toes, " says Morris Morin, DPM, director of podiatric medicine at the Hackensack University Medical Center.

The end result: As we slip our tootsies into those strappy stiletto sandals and step down, Morin says our weight is thrown precisely on the spot where we have the least protection.

"In extreme cases you actually have the bony ends of the foot grating down into the sole of the shoe with almost no protection at all," he says. Ouch!

Podiatrist Stuart Mogul, DPM says that by restricting the foot in a pointy toe high heel makes the problem worse. Indeed, putting weight on that restricted area then increases the risk of developing achy, painful bunions as well as corns and calluses.

“ Both the heel height and the point of the shoe can play a role, " says Mogul.

Moreover, our feet also get bigger as we age – and that can sometimes limit the type of shoes you can comfortably wear.

Indeed, if those narrow, high-heeled strappy sandals were a mainstay of your 20-something wardrobe, it’s likely this same style won’t feel the same on your chubby, wider 40-something foot.

“You have to remember to check your shoe size periodically – and dump the shoes that no longer fit,’” says Morin.

You may also have to look for shoes in a slightly different style, concentrating on shapes that reflect the current outline of your foot.

When High Heels Can Help
While most podiatrists are quick to dismiss high heels, claiming they’re bad news for women's feet, a recent study found they have at least one surprising benefit of particular interest to the 40-something gal: They might actually help tone your pelvic muscles and that in turn might help control some of the incontinence problems that occur with increasing age.

In a study published earlier this year in the journal European Urology, Italian researcher Dr. Maria Angela Cerruto found that high heels tilt a woman’s pelvis in a way that ultimately helps tone muscles in the abdomen and pelvis – in much the same way as the familiar Kegel exercise.

The study, which involved 66 women, revealed that standing with your feet at a 15 degree angle to the floor (about the same angle as a 3 inch heel) can reduce electrical activity in pelvic muscles – which says Cerruto indicates these muscles are more relaxed. This she says improves their strength and their ability to contract – and it is that ability that helps control mild incontinence in a way similar to what the Kegel can do.

But Cerruto, a urologist, says there is a limit to what size heels can help you. Going too far over the 3-inch mark could have the opposite result, tilting your pelvis too far back and causing stresses that strain the muscles and might increase incontinence.

High Heel SOS: 6 Tips To Feel Better Fast
With or without the pelvic benefits, if you love your high heels like I do, no amount of discomfort is going to convince you to give em up. At the same time, what good is that great pair of red patent leather stilettos if all you can do is sit and admire them?

So to help your feet look and feel better in high heels the experts I talked to offer this advice.

1. Buy shoes that fit. Sounds obvious, I know. But if you’re anything like me you have at least a half dozen pair of shoes in your closet right now that cause your feet to slide forward so far it leaves a thumb size gap of space behind your heel. Experts say this is indicative of an incorrect fit. Look for shoes with a narrow heel and a wider toe box to increase the chance of a better fit and take pressure off toes and the ball of the foot.

2. Invest in a good pair of insoles. If a full-length insert makes shoes too tight, try for a silicone pad for the ball of the foot, where the most pressure occurs.

3. Take advantage of the new thicker heels and oxford stilettos – the advantage being better stability and balance. This in turn will help keep pressure evenly distributed throughout your foot and take the painful focus off the ball of your foot.

4. Pay attention to the "slope" or "pitch" of the heel. The higher the heel, the more your foot is apt to slip forward, crushing your tootsies into the toe box. But what can also matter is the slope or “pitch” of your heel – the degree of the drop from the top of the heel to the flat part of the shoe. The more gradual the slope, say experts, the less your foot will slide forward. To check, turn the shoe sideways and just look at it- you’ll notice right away if the slope is a roller coaster pitch down, or a gentle sloping hillside.

5. Remember, feet get larger as you get older so if you’re having problems finding a shoe that’s comfortable, consider going up a half or even a whole size, or trying for a wider width. Ideally the ball of your foot should land in the widest part of the high heel. If it doesn’t – particularly if it’s pushed forward to where the shoe is narrower then try a smaller size, or a wider width.

You might also enjoy reading:

Tootsie Rolls: Tips For Taking Better Care of Your Feet

Sex and The City and Menopause

Or visit RedDressDiary.com - The Destination for fabulous women over 40!

Sex And The City And Menopause

As we steady ourselves for the hotly anticipated movie premier of Sex And The City, women everywhere are gearing up to revisit the fantasy world of sex, shoes, shopping and still more sex. And we’re not just talking young women.

In fact, whether you’re a fan or not, it was hard to ignore Sex And The City’s bow to the generation of free love via Kim Cattrall’s sizzling portrayal of the shows official middle aged siren, Samantha - the original Red Dress girl!

Indeed, Samantha's seemingly insatiable desire for all things sexy and sensual - from afternoon liaisons with the UPS man to bubble baths with college guys - not only kept Sex and The City sizzling for the boomer generation, it led us to believe that ever woman over 40 was spending her retirement fund on Victoria Secret underwear and stiletto satin slippers with maribou trim - and investing what was left in Viagra stock!

Experts, however, say they have been seeing a slight different picture of sex in menopause city emerging.

Indeed, as millions of boomer-age gals enter middle age and beyond, many report that unlike Samantha, they are checkin' their sex drive at the door.

It's the number one lifestyle complaint I hear from my middle aged patients - they just don't feel like having sex, their interest has dropped, their desire has dropped, and they can't understand why," says NYU cardiologist Nieca Goldberg, MD, author of the brand new Complete Guide To Women's Health.

One reason, say experts, is that for women, the desire for intimacy isn't just a physical urge the way it is for men. For us, the desire for sexy is very much tied up in emotion.

"Part of the desire to make love is clearly physical, but part is also emotional – so almost any emotional issue in a woman's life has the capacity to impact her sex drive," says Glenn D. Braunstein, MD, an endocrinologist and chair of the department of medicine at Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.

So okay,I think it's safe to assume that most of us are not exactly at our emotional best when
approaching menopause. I get that. We all get that.

But midlife doesn't have a strangle hold on crappy emotions. They also occur when we're single, when we're pregnant, when we lose a job or a friend or a really great hairdresser - and that can happen anytime in life. And is our sex drive always affected?

Well, it is. But the difference is, when we are young it seems to sort of drift back on it's own, without much prompting on our part. Not so as we age. In fact, research suggests that once you're past 45 or so, the longer you stay away from sex, the longer you're going to stay away - even if your emotional ups and downs taper off.

Which is why most experts believe mid-life emotions don't tell the whole story.

Sex In Menopause City: What's Really Going On

In fact, most say that playing an even stronger supporting role is our rapidly shrinking ovaries, and all the hormonal cha-chas that go with it.

"The very fact that a woman is no longer ovulating regularly, or not ovulating at all, automatically has to take her sex drive down a few notches," says Steven Goldstein, MD, professor of ob-gyn at NYU Medical Center in New York City.

Indeed, as every woman knows, that time frame just before and right after ovulation is probably the sexiest time of the month - not a mistake on mother nature's part, for sure, since this is also the time when we are mostly likely to get pregnant.

But fast forward a few dozen years and ovulation begins to dwindle and, eventually, stop. And when it does, that little monthly boost to our sex drive that's been occurring since, oh, I don't know, junior high school, well it takes a hike.

Are you gonna notice? You betcha.

"Many women feel that 'bump' much more than others, but every woman feels it to some degree," says Goldstein.

Add to this the fact that when our ovaries begin to check out, so does all that estrogen that has been moistening up all our V zone nooks and crannies and helping to make having sex feel as good as wanting it does. Ultimately, it's not hard to see why the era of Free Love can go the way of day-glo patent leather shoes and Simon and Garfunkle.

What's The Answer?
For many women just the simple act of understanding what is going on with their body is enough to get them to relax - at least enough to let the changes that are going to take place anyway run their course. Oftentimes, as our body gets used to lower hormone levels and the other changes that go with it, we get past that "bump" in the road, and find a new, and some say even sexier path to follow.

And certainly, you can always put the aging process on hold for a bit with HRT - hormone replacement therapy. While it's no longer recommended for long-term use, certainly in the short term it’s okay for some women - and it can give an almost immediate boost to your sex life. So too can a variety of topical solutions including many lubricants, if, say experts, you use them regularly everyday and not just when you’re anticipating intimacy.

And, in fact, if any of these – or Samantha’s other tricks – help your sex drive to come hurling back and make you weak in the knees, who knows, maybe you’ll get your own TV show!

At the same time, however, it's also important to recognize that you needn't feel obligated to go through middle age swinging from a chandelier in a red lace bra and matching thong - regardless of what you think everyone else is doing.

Indeed, some experts say that if we can stop looking at a diminished sex drive as a sign that something is wrong, and view it instead as part of the normal life cycle, we may get over the bumps in the road a lot quicker - and get back to enjoying life. This may be particularly true for those women who no longer have a partner – in which case a reduction in libido may be a welcome change.

In fact, even for those who do have a partner, sometimes a lessened sex drive comes about naturally for both - often replaced by other intimate bonding experiences. And if this is the case for you and your partner, don’t fight it - or try to talk yourselves into a problem that doesn’t really exist.

As Goldstein reminds us, "Just because your sex drive may be different at midlife it doesn't mean there is something wrong or that you have to try and fix it. If less sex isn't bothering you, your partner, or your relationship, then take heart -- you are maturing in the way nature intended."

And that's regardless of how Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and heaven help us Samantha may see it!

For tips on how to handle all the changes occurring in midlife and beyond visit:
www.Your Menopause.com or RedDressDiary.com
The destinations for fabulous women over 40!

Sex & The City - And How Far 40 Has Come!

Ever think about just how much the world has changed for women ...and how much differently we view ourselves today, then say, 40 years ago?

To prove just how much, try this little memory game: Remember the hot, steamy and oh-so-fabulous–forty-something character of Samantha, on the now infamous TV show Sex and the City - circa 2000? (Like we could ever forget her!)

Well believe it or not, forty years earlier, Samantha shared her 40-something age bracket with another very famous female TV character, one who, in her day, helped change our views with much the same attention as Samantha. Who was she?

I'll bet you're thinking Mary Tyler Moore's Mary Richards . Uh uh, guess again.
How about Marlo Thomas' Anne Marie? Nope!
Give up ?

Hold your breath now: It was that frumpy, doting, house-coat-wearing character Edith Bunker on the now infamous sit-com All in the Family - circa 1960's.

Yup...the characters of Edith and Samantha were roughly the same age on their respective shows - they both portrayed women in their early 40's. Are you as flabbergasted as I was?

My, my, my ....how times have changed! :)